Oh, the horror.

Today I went through a grueling experience I'd hoped to never go through again. I babysat.

The reason for this is because my father oh so generously volunteered me to do it so that he could take the mother out on a little date. and he did so before informing me about it. Thank you father.

There were two 6 month old twins. When we got there my dad handed one twin to me and she then proceeded to pinch all of my arm fat in her chubby little fist over and over again. and boy did she have nails. I knew then that it was going to be a long 4 hours.

Thankfully I had Katie with me, who babysits almost every weekend, compared to my lifetime average of around 4 times. And that was at least 7 years ago. My father laughingly remarked that I looked completely out of my element. Yeah, laugh it up chuckles....you'll be paying for this for months to come.

The reason it was so horrid is that both babies would not. stop. crying. Once one of them started, it would get the other going and vice versa. It didn't matter what we did to try and soothe them. At one point Katie went to make bottles for them and she handed her crying baby to me so that I now had two screaming infants squirming about on my lap. It was then that I knew I would not have children for a very very long time. and hopefully never twins. Parents-I don't know how you did it with Amanda and me.

They were perfectly happy for about the last 20 minutes so that when the mother came home she thought they were darling little angels. Katie and I were exhausted and covered in baby spit and formula. Our clothes are in the washer now.

Never again!

These boots are made for walkin'

Today I went against all my principles and did what I vowed I would never do.

I bought a pair of boots.

No longer can I silently make fun of those who own boots. No longer can I judge people who wear them around. I have crossed over to the other side. I'm one of them now. Soon I'll get a newsletter.

I couldn't help it though, they were so beautiful! As soon as I laid eyes on them, I knew. We were destined to be together.

Plus they were only $30. That's $70 cheaper than their original price! It was meant to be.

Will you do me a favor?

Today Amanda Katie David and I headed out to Target for a little Christmas shopping. (correction from David who is reading over my shoulder as I type this - it is not Target, it is Tar-jet) Sitting in the backseat with David, he looked over at me, stretched his leg out and asked me the following question.

D: Hey will you do me a favor? Will you feel my leg? It has muscle.

After looking at him with an expression I hope conveyed the disgust I felt at the thought of feeling up his leg, he then proceeded to take his own hand and squeeze his "muscle" multiple times with a heavenly expression on his face. Then he turned to Amanda in the front seat.

D: Hey Amanda give it a squeeze.
A: No.
D: Come on! I helped you shave your legs.
Me: WHAT?! You helped her shave her legs?
D: NO! I felt her shaved legs.
Me: Ohhhh. Got it.

As I write this now I cannot understand why I accepted that fact so readily. I am still unsure of the circumstances that led to David caressing Amanda's smooth shaved legs.

And now as I write this David is talking out loud to himself - "I cannot remember now if it was Amanda or Mom....I think maybe it was actually mom...."

CREEPY!!!

I talked to Seth tonight and he told me he was worried about me meeting his family over New Years because they are "clinically insane," according to him.

. . . . . I think I will be fine.

Super Happy Fun Crazy Cosmic Brownie Super Adventure

The boys made another movie for the Ward Talent Show and I got to help a little bit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfyVZ2FNmgI

Enjoy.

And now for a little rant

So today I am studying for my Intro to Anatomy and Human Physiology class, and I come upon this little question.

6. Explain how the goblet cells and ciliated cells in the pseudostratified columnar epithelium lining the trachea and bronchi work together to keep the respiratory passageways clean.

...... WHAT???

This is generally my reaction to all the questions I've read, but this particular one made me want to lay down and cry.

And since I have changed my emphasis, I no longer need this class. It is very hard to find the motivation to at least get a good grade on the final so I don't bring my GPA down. Very. Hard.

Storytime

The Pickles
This morning I opened my refrigerator to find a jar of pickles sitting on my shelf with a ribbon tied around it. I was rather confused at the unexpected gift since I thoroughly hate pickles. I took it out. I inspected it. I came to the conclusion that it was a cruel joke from my boyfriend Seth, who knows that I hate pickles. He loves them and is always trying to persuade me to eat them. Indignantly I walked over to my roommate Meagan and showed them to her and said Look what Seth left in the fridge for me as a joke! Ridiculous!
Then she looked up at me and said quietly, Umm..... I think those are for me.

And it was then that I suddenly realized that the whole world does not revolve around me.

Time stopped. My whole life came crashing down around me. I sat on the floor and moaned.

Ok, actually I just laughed and said Thank Goodness! and returned the pickles to the fridge.

The old man
Today at work two old men came into the store. One had a cane, the other had a fedora. They were like the perfect old men. The first knew exactly what he wanted, ordered, and then told me to give his friend whatever he wanted, and that it would probably have caramel in it. I said ok.
The second old man stepped up. He decided he wanted kit-kats in his ice cream. and then he paused and said Do you think it would taste all right if you put some caramel in there as well? I shrugged and said Sure, I think it would be just fine.
He then smiled a huge grin and proclaimed, I got a sweet tooth, sweety!!! This was followed by hysterical laughing on his part.

I love my job!

p.s. If you really want to know, the pickles for Meagan were from another roommate since they both share a love of pickles. Also, they were on my side of the fridge and not Meagans. Hence the mistake.

David

This morning David was trying to convince my mother and me that having a fake mechanical leg was much cooler than having a real leg. He wrapped a belt around his leg and informed us that if you pulled hard enough you could rip it right off. We made him take the belt off.

It signifies that you're tough, he said.

No, my mother replied, it signifies that you're an idiot.

They're coming for me.

I flew into Arizona last Friday for the Thanksgiving Break.

I have already seen 4 scorpions and been properly horrified by all. The first was discovered by my brother outside the door to the addition. The other three I found today in the span of 15 minutes while I was helping to clean up the yard to prepare for the "celebration" (as Amanda so un-traditionally calls her reception) I was putting some wood into a wheelbarrow to be moved to a different location. And as I picked up the last piece of wood a GIGANTIC scorpion came scurrying out from under it. I screamed. and then started to hyperventilate. I made my mother kill it.

The next I found as I was stacking the wood off in a corner of the yard. I picked up a piece and saw a tiny little scorpion running around on the back of it. I threw the piece of wood on the ground and started hyperventilating. My mother had to kill that one too and I told her I refused to work with the wood pile anymore. So she sent me to hose off the back porch.

As I was hosing off the back porch I looked down and suddenly a scorpion was there. I have no idea where it came from, I think it just popped up out of the pavement. I screamed (again), started hyperventilating(again) and my mother had to kill it for me (again).

It's a curse. They always come for me. One sting was not enough. They must have more.

Pumpkin

So now that I finally have pictures, I can update for your viewing pleasure.

I must say I was rather excited to be wielding a large knife, despite the face in the picture.
Seth hates pumpkins with a fiery passion. He MADE me pull all the guts out while he sat back and laughed. He got to do the cool part. (ie cutting it with a big knife) Ridiculous. *

This is a representation of about how much I enjoyed reaching my hand inside a pumpkin and pulling out its guts.

Our masterpiece.
A vicious Pacman eating a ghost.

So we decided that we wanted to bake the pumpkin seeds to eat because we'd heard it was delicious. However, we didn't have time that night and so we bagged the seeds along with the guts in a bag to prepare the next day. I made Seth pull the seeds out since I had had my fill of getting gross pumpkin guts all over my hands. I laughed in his face the whole time.
Mmmm. Actually, this is before we baked them. And we burned them a little bit since we are clearly novice pumpkin seed bakers. I ate three and decided that was enough. I think Seth's roommates finished them off. They can be counted on to eat anything I do not want.

*Upon seeing this, he said "That's not completely accurate, is it? . . . . I allowed you to. I gave you the opportunity."
Thanks Seth. Thanks.

Oh my crazy!

As I was cleaning my room yesterday, I found this little quotation written down on a piece of paper from some time ago. It was said by my roommate Kimberly to my other roommate Lydia.

"Oh you don't even know how tough Janette and I are. We ran into the wall and it started screaming. "

And then after we had finished laughing at this,

"I should have said crying, screaming is just freaky. "

Solid.

Video

I made a video this weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlyICpw3yOQ

Guess which one I am.

So, Smith.

So today at 7 am Michelle and I went to meet Poppa and David for a little breakfast at the Cracker Barrel. It was a delightful morning, and this was mostly due to Michelle's vast amounts of knowledge and her burning desire to share it with us.

Today's topic of conversation was where surnames come from. Apparently you can "run out" of first names, since this is what happened in the medieval days in England. Those tiny little towns simply couldn't make up any more first names! I guess English people only had a few to choose from back then, which led to multiple people with the same name and much confusion in the villages. And thus surnames became a necessity.

"So, like the last name of Smith comes from blacksmith. Only people back then couldn't spell very well. So, Smith. "

You're feeling smarter already, aren't you! and yes. That is an exact quote from Michelle.

So there you have it. Where surnames came from and why. You're welcome.

Just so you know

Since generally when I speak about my job it is to complain about it, I thought I would dedicate a post as to why I love my job. Just so that I can assure you that I am not completely miserable when I go to work, since I know you have been fretting about that since my last post about Cold Stone.

Reasons why working at Cold Stone is amazing.
1. Free Ice Cream. Everytime I work. A-Mazing.
Actually, what I should say is that my friends and roommates think this is A-Mazing. as they are the ones who get all my free ice creams. It's how I get and keep friends....
Really, I eat plenty of samples at the store to keep me full and satisfied. It is almost ridiculous the amount of samples I take.

2. My co-workers are some of the funniest people I have ever met and as proof, here is a joke they told me the other night:
Why do melons have such good weddings?
Because they can't elope!
HA!

Also today when a Kelly Clarkson song came on, my co-worker Matt pumped his fist in the air and yelled yes! Then he declared his love for Kelly Clarkson to me, and proceeded to sing along with the whole song.

Hilarious, hilarious people.

3. It is always fun to serve ice cream to people that are VERY excited to be getting some. They laugh, they cheer, they can't stop smiling. It is extremely entertaining to watch. Also, these unusually happy people tend to compliment you quite a lot about what a fabulous ice cream mixer you are. It is a great time for the both of us.

4. It allowed me to have the following conversation with my Grandpa Toolson yesterday:
G:Where do you work again?
J: Cold Stone Creamery
G: and what do you do there?
J: I serve ice cream to people
G: Ohh, do you get to eat the ice cream too?
J: Yeah, we get free ice creams every time we work.
G: So how much do you weigh?
J: Ummm...Grandpa I'm pretty sure you are not supposed to ask a woman that.
G: (giggling to himself) OK fine, have you gained weight since working there?
J: What? No.
G: Ok. That's good
J: Yeah thanks Grandpa.
(that was actually a blatant lie to my grandfather, but come on! who asks people that!?)

5. It allows me to see people. Although they may only be visiting me for the free ice creams... still, it's nice to feel loved. Also, it allows me to not work for a few minutes while I chat up my friends.

6. I am a manager. Ultimate power!

In conclusion, I love working at Cold Stone.

Video

Since my life is not really that exciting, I'm going to write about other, more interesting people that I associate with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY6Gngey3vU

So this is a video that my friends spent one afternoon doing. Enjoy.

Victory

The other week I scared Seth.

He was sitting at his kitchen table with his back to me, headphones in, front door wide open.

Prime scaring conditions.

How could I not take advantage of the situation? So I sneaked in, and with one superb movement, grabbed him and yelled Seth!
He then jumped, oh, I would guess about 3 feet in the air.
And as if that were not entertaining enough, he also dropped his apple slice onto the floor.

Sweet, sweet victory.

Cold Stone Etiquette

Here's a little advice for all future Cold Stone customers.

1. Our waffle bowls are ONE SIZE and we can put ANY SIZE ice cream into it.
People are always shocked when they receive this information and it takes a minute or two for the news to sink in. They just stand there, chewing on their sample spoons with their mouth wide open, while I look on in disgust.

2. Coming in 2 minutes before we close - is there anything more annoying than this? This is not just specific to Cold Stone Creamery either. This is a universal rule, people.
The thing that baffles me is that everyone agrees that this is the most annoying thing ever, and yet everyone still does it! The world is full of hypocrisy.
To add insult to injury, they then sweetly apologize to you as they're walking in the door with grins on their faces. Now I know, and they know, that this is not really a sincere apology. It is just a way for them to not feel guilty about keeping us from closing the store, and letting them mull over their ice cream choices as long as they want. Jerks. . .
I mean honestly, do you really need ice cream that bad? The correct answer here is no. NO.

3. Don't hand me your sample spoons to throw away. You really think I want to do that? With all your sick nasty saliva covering them....We have a jar sitting right in front of your face - and it's labeled - so it's not that it's hard to find. It's just you are not that smart. Also unhygienic.

4. While we can put four different ice creams into your itty bitty cup, none of them mixed together and all with separate mix-ins for each one, that doesn't necessarily mean that you should....because I will hate you.

5. We don't actually like singing tip songs that much. Shocking, I know. And if you want some public humiliation, AT LEAST put a dollar into the tip jar. Thank you.

This post was made after working almost 40 hours over 4 days. All night shifts.

Rules

The #1 Rule in my Father's house is: Never drink the last Diet Coke. Otherwise my Father will throw a fit.


The #1 Rule in my Mother's house: Do not take the exercise ball out of her bedroom. She does not want you playing soccer with it (which is generally why it's removed from the bedroom).


You'd think it'd be more practical, but no. My parents have their priorities set.

Good Morning Sunshine

The other night my roommate Angelica decided to cornrow Jeff's hair, with glorious results.


The following night I went to bed rather late and so I had to crawl into bed in the darkness.
At 8:30 the next morning I woke up to this staring back at me.

Needless to say, I jumped a little bit. Then I started giggling to myself in my half-awake state. I'm very glad my other roommates had already woken up.

I then promptly fell back asleep and forgot what had happened, and so I did the exact same thing a few hours later when I woke up.

So thank you Jeff, for managing to freak me out not once, but twice.
The picture is still there. It makes me laugh every morning.

Janette,
Oh wonderous laughter flows from thee
Tis happy happy as yonder tree
grows up and hits the tow'ring air
'Tis not, 'tis not, but only hair

For this last time or so is thinked
The rows of corn have thus been chinked
By those who Jacks of all trades be
Roommates, roommates, so to thee

Good night, good night, the call of bed
At last a place for the Pomade (r) head
Or she who sees and giggles free
To wake at morn, heart full of glee!

--
Paz,
Jeff

Outer Banks

I am spending this week with my family in Outer Banks, North Carolina. I thought I would be free from my addiction of getting on the internet since I left my computer at home, but happily my father is obsessed as I am and brought his along.

Last night we went to the Sand Dunes but I refrained from running around on them as I was wearing a skirt and didn't feel like flashing people. I did enjoy watching Katie and David face plant in the sand numerous times. As we were walking back I moved up to walk beside my father. He turned and looked at me and exclaimed in surprise,"You look just like Janette!" and when my only response was a look of incredulity, he suddenly realized that this phenomenon was because I AM Janette.
I need to start visiting him more often. Amanda and I were both incensed.

Today on the beach David wanted to play I Spy with me and this is how it went:
David: I spy something blue.
Me: The ocean.
David: Dang It! I spy something blue.
Me: The sky.
David: Dang It! I spy something tan.
Me: The beach.
David: Dang It! I spy something white.
Me: The sea foam.
David: Dang It! I spy something creepy.
Me: That guy with the blue shorts.
David: Dang It! I spy something blue.
Me: Those blue shorts.
David: Dang It!

Seriously, those blue shorts were like booty shorts. On a GUY. He did have nice legs though, so I suppose I can't fault him for wanting to show them off. Also, he was Italian so my judgments of him were a little less harsh than they might normally have been.
David is not very good at I Spy, while I am fabulous.

Last night I slept for 14 hours. I refuse to ever fly on a red eye AGAIN. I got about a half hour of sleep on the plane, and about a half hour in the car ride to North Carolina. Monday and Tuesday felt like one extremely long day. My family says I was very grouchy when I first got here, but please. I am never grouchy.

Maturity

This is what happened today when I was hanging out with Abi. We had this g-mail chat sitting across from each other on the couch.

Abigail: oh hey

me: hey giiirl

Sent at 1:24 PM on Monday

me: i don't appreciate your sarcasm with me young lady

Abigail: i am older than you

me: maybe in age

not in maturity

BAM

Abigail: um i dont know about that

i shop at christopher a nd banks

me: poser

Abigail: what?

clearly someone of my maturity would not understand that word

me: says the girl with the purple glue stick

so immature

Abigail: you wanna see immature
me: no

Abigail: really?

yeah

i think you do

me: no

i don't

Sent at 1:45 PM on Monday

She then leaped up and smeared purple glue all over my bare leg and attached a piece of paper with the words "Not as good as Abi" written on it. All in one swift movement. I knew I should have worn jeans today and not a skirt.

me: RIDICULOUS

Sent at 1:47 PM on Monday

Warning

I have been persuaded to start up a blog again.

I have absolutely no idea what to write about.

I suppose I will just take the time to warn everyone that may read this. I sound ridiculous in a large majority of the posts I make. In real life, I am always eloquent, witty, and well-spoken.

So here's hoping you enjoy the updates on my life...