Dreams Destroyed

I've always thought I was a very graceful and dignified person.

Then I started hanging out with Joseph, who notices absolutely everything.
Every time I spill things, trip, or have my drink dribble out of my mouth, he points it out with a laugh and a disapproving shake of his head.

His favorite story is when I was eating a piece of pineapple in front of him. I was trying to be fancy and I didn't want to shove the whole thing in my mouth because that would be undignified. So I decided to just take a bite out of it.
Bad Idea. Pineapple is not very conducive to nice little bites. The juice immediately started flowing down my chin and onto the table. Meanwhile I was still trying to gnaw a delicate little bite off the pineapple while Joseph was laughing in my face. In defeat I had to shove the whole thing into my mouth and then try my best to clean up the pineapple juice. All my dreams of being a proper, graceful woman were destroyed. Joseph will now sometimes refer to me as "Pineapple Juice Face." In addition to his habitual laughter in my direction, he is also uncreative.

I told him I was writing about this story and he started to list off all his favorite moments of when I had issues eating my food.
I didn't realize there were so many.